Innalillahi Wainnalillahi Rojiun Model Dylan Sada Meninggal Dunia, Saudara Tulis Permohonan Maaf

I can't deny that it affected me greatly.

I turned to alcohol and drugs, anything that can make me feel something. I'm not proud of it but it is what it is.

I never understood why people look up to me, I feel like I'm fooling everyone.

I was a mess, just trying to achieve my dreams and forget about my pain.

It doesn't matter how fucked up I get or beautiful places I go, I hated that he is in my blood and he made me.

My pain caused more pain when I fell into severe depression, for the longest time I was stuck.

I couldn't create, I couldn't move forward, it feels like I'm stuck in limbo.

It affected my first marriage, I lost many good friends along the way because I hated myself so much I couldn't accept love and help.

I was destructive and I still am.

I went through five failed suicide attempts, I hung myself about a month ago, but two people saved me.

My boyfriend saved me, he has been there for me since I met him.

I was so close but I guess it just wasn't my time again.

I did that because I was tired, the idea of dying is such a release from living, coping with pain almost every day.

Suicide may sound selfish to you, but if you suffered it for so long it's a different story.

The only reason why I'm speaking up now is that I feel like I have to.